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An unanswered problem buried deep in the hearts of most woman, a problem lay buried and unspoken for many years. Fulfillment as a woman had only one definition for American women after 14; "the housewife/mother". This same "fulfillment" was the greatest dissatisfaction and of course unfulfillment that woman suffered in the middle of the 0th century in the United States. A question of definition. Who they were and what their purpose in life was. Women all across America silently asked themselves, "Is this all?"
Experts coached woman on how to catch a man and keep him, how to breastfeed, how to control sibling rivalry and how to buy a dishwasher. Not how to have a career or higher education because that would be "unfeminine". Older women were giving up their dreams, dreams that less than a century ago the now old-fashioned feminists fought for. Younger women weren't even thinking about dreams. The thought of being the "ultimate" housewife and mother consumed their minds. But this feminine way of thinking and feeling left most American women unfulfilled. Leaving them with countless questions all asking "why?" Not really knowing
who they were as people. They became mechanical robots of society, dulling their minds with every dishpan washed and feeling emptier with every bed that they made. One mother of four who left college to get married and have a family at 1 states;
"I've tried everything women are supposed to do-hobbies, gardening, pickling, canning, being very social with my neighbors, joining committees, running PTA teas. I can do it all, and I like it, but it doesn't leave you anything to think about-any feeling of who you are. I never had any career ambitions. All I wanted was to get married and have four children. I love the kids and Bob and my home. There's no problem you can even put a name to. But I'm desperate. I begin to feel I have no personality. I'm a server of food and putter-on of pants and a bed maker, somebody who can be called on when you want something. But who am I?"
This is just one case out of millions. Millions of women who lived day to day numb to their true selves and personality free. This supposed definition of fulfillment for them, the housewife/mother, literally was sucking the life out of our once strong-willed women.
In the late 10's and 10's the creation of the
"spirited career girl" was wide spread throughout magazines and media. The flapper was thought of as the wild, free spirited icon of women. However this creation was solely made from the minds of women. After the men returned from the war, women started to drop out of the field of writing and editing, leaving them with very little voice in the media circuit. Consumed and relieved that their men had returned home to them, they stopped their career of writing and started up a new one, as a wife. The writers who now began to take over were men, men home from war. These men, who over seas, dreamt of their wives waiting for them surrounded by their cozy and peaceful domestic life. And this became the new image of women, to however possible fulfill there mans dream of that perfect home life.
The family became the ultimate symbol of security for Americans tired of depression and war. Americans commitment to family and their ideal home life was accompanied by a belief that the men should be the wage earners for their families and the women should tend to the home and children. Women started to feel the heavy pressure bearing down on them. Pressure to make homemaking a career. Agnes Meyer sums it up when she wrote in the Atlantic Monthly in 150, "What modern woman has recapture is the wisdom that just being a woman is her central task and greatest honor. Women must boldly announce that no job is more exacting, more necessary, or more rewarding than that of housewife and mother." Women seemed to be brainwashed of all the struggles they endured and advances they had made in the last century.
A "housewife formula" arose. Fueled by the minds of man and carried out by the passive woman. Fancy articles whose topics usually consisted of new developments in psychiatry, medicine and sex and marriage still existed, however they were now spelled out in terms the average housewife could relate to and use in her everyday life. These articles turned into a detailed Do's and Don'ts list. Ranging from "How To Keep Your Husband Happy" to "How To Solve Your Childs Bedwetting." What was happening to the minds of our once ambitious women? A survey taken of women college graduates in the late 60's only proved the tunnel vision women had developed. When asked how they defined success, the most frequent answers women gave were "to be the mother of several accomplished children, and to be the wife of a prominent man."(Gaitlin, 17)
The stress put on women to become this ideal wife only led to a much more serious issue. Ironically the husband's place of rest was the wife's place of labor. An issue that coined the nickname "the problem that has no name". So many American women suffered this nameless, aching dissatisfaction for many, many years. Betty Friedman, notable author of the Feminine Mystique, wasn't even conscious of the woman problem. "Locked as we all were then in that mystique, which kept us passive and apart, and kept us from seeing our real problems and possibilities, I like other women, thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't have an orgasm waxing the kitchen floor," she states in her book.
This horrible boredom with life let to many problems, physical and emotional. Women were constantly driving their children to Little League, Boy scouts, dance lessons, grocery shopping, doing the laundry, just as she starts dinner the phone rings, it is an endless list of chores. This terrible tiredness led many women to the doctor in the 150's. Known as "housewife fatigue", these women in reality slept too much, as much as 10 hours a day. The real underlying problem was boredom. You try to sleep as much as you can to make the day go by faster. Some women were even being prescribed tranquilizers. Suburban housewives were popping them like candy. One-mother states in the Feminine Mystique, "You wake up in the morning, and you feel as if there's no point in going on another day like this. So you take a tranquilizer because it makes you not care so much that it's pointless." A survey done in 171 of four thousand women found that housewives, who accounted for 5 percent of the population, comprised 6 percent if the habitual diet pill users. Housework had become a main cause of women's depression and substance abuse. But in spite of all this turmoil and anxiety mothering was the most satisfying job they did.
Another illness was rapidly beginning to be reported. Many housewives were suffering from blisters and sores on their hands and arms. Women to somehow relive their stress or somehow escape from things for even a minute would for hours wash dishes. This constant exposure made their skin on their hands and arms blistery and raw. A cream could cure the physical sores, but there was no prescription for the sores that these women were suffering emotional. AS more and more women spoke out and to each other, they came to realize that they weren't as alone as they had thought. Other women, housewives and mothers, were feeling the same unsettling feelings they were.
The trouble with women through all these years hasn't been on that can be treated with a doctors visit or a prescription. It is a problem of identity. Betty Friedan states in the Feminine Mystique, "The truth is…it was true in my generation and it is true of girls growing up today-an American woman no longer has a private image to tell her who she is, or can be, or wants to be. Public images in magazines and television commercials sell us rejuvenating cleansers, hair dye and age defying face creams. Companies spend millions and millions of dollars for television time and ad space in newspapers and magazines because of one reason alone, "American woman no longer know who they are". Women need an image to look upon to find their true identity. This was true throughout the 100's and it is true now. American women are so unsure of who they are and who they want to be that they look up to these images and decide every detail of their life. The "problem that has no name", was truly a problem of identity.
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