Can you keep a secret?

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"Can you keep a secret?" I asked Greg.

"Of course I can, you know me!" He answered.

Greg was perfectly fine with the idea of hearing something that he was not supposed to hear. On my side I was ready to tell something that I was not supposed to tell; to somebody that was not supposed to hear it. Well, one way or another, a simple word could describe this whole process gossip.

While reading Michael Ondaatje's "Running in the family" and Kathleen Norris's "Dakota", I get exactly this feeling like they are telling me secrets that I am not supposed to hear, something very personal, something that I am not supposed to tell to anybody else. I get the feeling that we are gossiping.

In Old English, gossip - or god-sibb - originally meant a person related to one in God, specifically referring to a womans close female friends at the birth of a child (those she would choose to be godparents to her child). The word later came to mean more generally a close (female) friend or companion, and then the kind of talk characteristic of intimate friends, i.e. chatty talk about the details of personal matters and relationships, the sharing of secrets - more or less what we currently mean by gossip. (Simple English)

Academics also engaged in defining gossip - evaluative talk about a person who is not present (Eder) or the process of informally communicating value-laden information about members of a social setting (Noon).

Asked about gossip, Aaron Spelling, the creator of the famous TV shows Dallas and Dynasty, says that gossip starts when rich people have problems that money cant solve (Fox). And this is a definition which Michael Ondaatje, I think, could not agree more.

Michael Ondaatje's "Running in the family" takes us on a trip to the magical world of Sri Lanka and its high society. They are rich aristocrats, received their education in England. They love exquisite clothing, wild parties and drama. And of course, they love to gossip. The whole book is gossip. Moving from room to room and place to place, family dinners and afternoon teas, Ondaatje tries to put together the pieces of the past. The only source he has is the stories of the people he talks to. There are so many characters in this book and everyone has a story to tell. "There are stories of elopements, unrequited love, family feuds, and exhausting vendettas, which everyone was drawn into, had to be involved with" (Ondaatje 5). After hearing so many stories, Ondaatje admits

I must confess that the book is not a history but a portrait or "gesture". And if those listed above disapprove of the fictional air I apologize and I can only say that in Sri Lanka a well-told lie is worth a thousand facts. (06)

What he really wants to tell is that there is nothing wrong in telling stories, even if they are sometimes different then the reality. Ondaatje does not mind the gossip. He presents it as something innocent and more humorous then harmful.

Gossip is not a trivial pastime it is essential to human social, psychological and even physical well-being. There is some evidence to suggest that gossip is a deep-seated human instinct evolutionary psychologists have compared the evolution of gossip in humans with the practice of "social grooming" among chimps - where the animals spend hours grooming each others fur, even when they are perfectly clean, as a form of social bonding. Enjoyment of gossip is also about the thrill of risk-taking, doing something a bit naughty, something not right, talking about peoples private lives (Fox).

And if there is one place in this world where people talking about other people's private lives is actually way of life then this place is Hollywood! Our conversations about the conflicts between characters in soap operas, the relationship problems of supermodels and the marriages, babies and careers of film stars are often indistinguishable from our gossip about friends, neighbors and family. Overhearing such discussions on the street or in a coffee shop, someone who was not familiar with the celebrity names in question could easily conclude that Jennifer Lopez or Brad Pit were friends, relatives or next-door neighbors of the gossipers (and note how concerned they are about J Los eating disorder, but approve of Brads marriage).

"Much of what passes for hard news today is the Hollywood fluff that was relegated to pulp movie magazines when I was a girl" (Norris 71). Kathleen Norris does not seem to like gossip as much as Ondaatje does. Further she says

From the Central Intelligence Agency to Entertainment Tonight, gossip is big business. But in small towns, gossip is still small-time. And as bad as it can be venal, petty, mean. (71)

In Hollywood gossip may be a big business but in the small town in the country it is not. Here you know every person, every passing car; you can even "recognize each other footsteps in the hall" (Norris 7). Gossip makes it hard to breathe, it suffocates you. You do not have privacy; you share your life with everyone else. And "like everyone else, you become public property" (Norris 7).

Even after saying all that, Norris still tries to find the positive side of the gossip. "But gossip is essentially democratic. It may be the plumber, it could be the bank president's wife; everyone is a fair game" (Norris 75). And further "Surprisingly often, gossip is the way small-town people express solidarity" (Norris 75).

And really, is gossip bad? Perhaps the most striking finding of recent research on human conversations is that about two thirds of our conversation time is entirely devoted to social topics discussions of personal relationships and experiences; who is doing what with whom; who is in and who is out and why; how to deal with difficult social situations; the behavior and relationships of friends, family and celebrities; our own problems with lovers, family, friends, colleagues and neighbors; the everyday social life - in one word, gossip. Only about five per cent of gossip-time is devoted to criticism and negative evaluation of others - but this negative gossip has clear social benefits in terms of rule-learning and social bonding (Fox). Norris admits "I would argue that gossip done well can be a holly thing. It can strengthen communal bonds" (Norris 7).

But there is another very interesting prospective of gossip. Gossip actually is a two way communication. You can not start a gossip telling the story to yourself. There has to be somebody ready to listen, to react, and to give you feedback! Imagine how absurd is the situation in which somebody asks the question "Can you keep a secret" and the answer is "No"! We always say "Yes"! Well, at least I always say "Yes". And I do not feel guilty about it. I gossip because gossip helps me to establish, develop and maintain relationships; to bond with other people; to clarify my social position and status; to learn social skills; to reinforce shared values; to resolve conflicts; to win friends and influence people. It is like a magical pill that I take and no matter my social illness is, I am cured.

Michael Ondaatje in "Running in the family" and Kathleen Norris in "Dakota" tell us their stories, take us to their worlds and leave us, after finishing their books, deeply moved. And there is no doubt in my mind why they are so touching. The honesty and the reality in these books are almost shocking. Both authors are so open before us even with Ondaatje's family deepest secrets and with Norris's sometimes embarrassing moments in the small town. This is exactly what gossip is about…

"Can you keep a secret?" Greg asked Alice.

"Of course I can, you know me!" She answered.

Alice was perfectly fine with the idea of hearing something that she was not supposed to hear. On his side Greg was ready to tell something that he was not supposed to tell; to somebody that was not supposed to hear it. Well, one way or another, a simple word could describe this whole process gossip.

Work Cited

Eder, Donna and Enke, Janet Lynne. The Structure of Gossip Opportunities and Constraints on Collective Expression Among Adolescents. American Sociological Review, August 11 44-508.

Fox, Kate. Evolution, Alienation and Gossip. 00. Social Issue Research Center. 5 Nov. 00. http//www.circ.org/~publik~/gossip.htm

Noon and Delbridge. News from Behind my Hand Gossip in Organizations, pp , London Simon&Co, 1.

Norris, Kathleen. Dakota. A spiritual geography. New York A Mariner Book, 1

Ondaatje, Michael. Running in the family. New York Vintage Books, 1

Simple English Dictionary. London Interprint, 18

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