Somerset Maugham Mr. Know All

Friday, April 9, 2021

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Dear Emily,


We were at dinner the other night and I wore the pearls that Robert had given me last Christmas. I knew that it was risky to do so but I swear to God that I couldn't resist it! They looked so beautiful lying in that little velvet box and as soon as I set my eyes on them I knew that I had to have them around my neck. They reminded me so much of my dear Robert.


We were chatting idly when the subject of pearls came up. One of the ship's passengers who was sitting at our table went by the name of Mr. Kelada. He revealed to us that he was an expert in that field and could instantly tell the difference between the genuine ones and the cheap imitations.


It was obvious to me from the beginning that Elmer and Mr. Kelada did not get along very well. They are both very proud men and sure of themselves and what they say. A heated argument ensued, and both men wanted to prove that he was superior to the other. They were quarrelling vehemently and their faces had become flushed with exasperation and irritation.


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Elmer had evidently said something that bruised Mr. Kelada's male ego, and Mr. Kelada wanted to prove his expertise to us. To my utter horror, he pointed at my pearls and proclaimed that the chain I was wearing would never be worth a cent less than it is now. I tried to conceal the chain by slipping it inside my dress but my attempt was unsuccessful. Mr. Kelada went on and informed us that my pearls were genuine. Elmer disclosed that he hadn't bought them for me and wondered how much they were worth. I was beginning to feel disconcerted about the direction that the conversation was taking. Mr. Kelada believed that the pearls could be worth no less than fifteen thousand dollars.


Obviously I had to come up with some explanation as to where I had obtained the pearls from when Elmer saw them a few months ago. I told him that they were fake and I had bought them at a department store in New York for only eighteen dollars. Of course Elmer had believed me, as he had no reason to doubt my word.


Elmer and Mr. Kelada were arguing over whether the pearls were real or not, when suddenly Elmer exclaimed that he would bet a hundred dollars that my chain was an imitation. Mr. Kelada accepted this challenge and asked to take a closer look at the chain. I was becoming increasingly nervous as the seconds ticked by and when Elmer asked me to take the pearls off I felt my whole body go numb. By now I was aware that Mr. Kelada was indeed an expert and I was terrified that he might expose me. I pretended that the clasp wouldn't come undone and prayed that they would leave it at that.


My prayers went unanswered, for before I knew it Elmer had jumped out of his seat and undid the clasp, handing the string of pearls over to Mr. Kelada. My heart raced as I watched Mr. Kelada examine the pearls with his magnifying glass. When he looked up with a victorious smile on his face I knew then and there that I was done with.


I don't know exactly what happened next, but I assume that Mr. Kelada had seen the look of horror that I was unable to hide on my face. I saw him struggle, trying to decide whether he should claim his victory or not. To my astonishment and disbelief, he flushed deeply and regretfully admitted that he had been mistaken. I didn't know what to make of this. He knew that the pearls were genuine, yet lied to protect me. All I know is that it was terribly chivalrous of him and I shall always be indebted to him. I was so confused and yet I felt immensely relieved that my secret was safe.


Mr. Kelada's hands were trembling as he handed over his forfeit - a hundred dollar note. I couldn't bare to watch as Elmer told him off for being so sure of himself. I retired to my room, claiming that I was not feeling well and had a headache. All night I tossed and turned, musing over what had just happened and how close I had come to being exposed. I knew that I had to thank Mr. Kelada for saving me from what would have been a very unpleasant revelation, and so after the sun rose I crept along the hallway to where his room was and slipped an envelope containing a hundred dollars under his door to pay him back for all the trouble I'd caused, and hoping that he would somehow know how extremely grateful I was.


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